 2009 Brabus Smart Fortwo cabriolet. Click image to enlarge |
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2009 Brabus smart fortwo cabriolet
Toronto, Ontario – How can something so cute have me so conflicted?
Spock, in his Vulcan wisdom, would surely declare the 2009 Smart Fortwo as completely illogical. Why? Designed for congested European inner- cities, it’s a fish out of water here; it requires Premium gasoline; its halting five-speed sequential transmission seriously tries the patience of even the most saintly. Mother Theresa would put her fist through the fabric top in no time. Its 70-hp 999-cc naturally aspirated three-cylinder engine is pretty gutless yet fails to return the claimed 5.4 L/100 km combined (I saw 6.3). And it rides like a rickshaw.
Tell Spock this Brabus Smart Cabriolet nudges 30 grand with taxes and freight and he might even laugh – which would be a first for a Vulcan.
 2009 Brabus Smart Fortwo cabriolet. Click image to enlarge |
And yet, seeing this cheery silver micro-car all squat and butchy on its Brabus alloys brought a smile to my face every morning. All I wanted to do was hop in, roll back that big soft-top and putter around town, happily doing a bobble-head doll impersonation as the tranny worked its devilish trickery.
How can that be?
Well, that’s the magic of the Smart, I guess. Like a puppy, it’s cute, lovable and infuriating. Contributing to my renewed affliction…er, affection this time ‘round was the Brabus package (available in both coupe and cabrio) that adds an extra hit of style, greatly improved handling and $3,650 to the bottom line. You can get a Brabus Smart in any colour you like as long as it’s black or silver.
Brabus is a German tuning firm best known for imbuing Mercedes products with obscene amounts of power. In this case, the Smart’s rear-mounted drivetrain is untouched, but Brabus has massaged the suspension bits, lowered the ride height by 10 mm and added some stylish “Monoblock VII” alloys – 15s in the front and 17s out back. Wide 215/35R17 tires fill the rear haunches, and sporty side skirts and revised front and rear facias add some flair. A Brabus tuned exhaust gives this puppy some snarl.
 2009 Brabus Smart Fortwo cabriolet. Click image to enlarge |
Up until now, you could never put “Smart” and “handling” in the same sentence without including such descriptives as “extreme understeer” or “yikes”. This Brabus Fortwo is actually fun to toss into the corners – there’s even a hint of oversteer to be found. The steering has surprising heft for a car this tiny. Electronic safety nets include ABS with electronic brake force distribution and brake assist, and electronic stability control with hill start assist.
Without having a regular smart to compare it to, I can’t say if the ride is any worse in the Brabus. That said, you sure know where the bumps are.
The betrothed and I took it to a yoga class, and after bucking over the first road blemish, she involuntarily blurted “Oh gawd!”, then launched into a flurry of, er, smarting vitriol that surely knocked her down a few rungs on the karmic ladder.
  2009 Brabus Smart Fortwo cabriolet. Click image to enlarge |
The Brabus interior gets heated leather seats, a leather shift knob, three-spoke leather wheel with paddle shifters, Brabus metallic sport pedals, velour floor mats, auto climate control, special trim and five-speaker six-disc audio.
As with all Smarts, the driving position is excellent featuring plenty of headroom, legroom, and a high seating position that offers a panoramic view. Once behind the wheel, you easily forget how small this car really is. The best way to drive a Smart smoothly is by using the paddle shifters and lifting the throttle slightly during upshifts. If you try to hurry, it seems to fight back, becoming even more hesitant.
The powered fabric top is a stroke of brilliance, and in my opinion, a necessary piece of Smart kit. Using a button on the console, it rolls back in two stages – at any speed. A button on the key fob allows remote operation. The upper door rails can be removed too, and they store in recesses in the trunk lid.
It seems the first thing people ask is, “Do you feel safe driving that?”, and my answer is “Sorta.” I’ve seen the European and IIHS (Insurance Institute for Highway Safety) crash test results that suggest the rigid Tridion safety-cell and sandwich-floor construction (wherein the drivetrain slides under the occupants in a rear end collision) indeed work as advertised. But there are certain basic laws of physics that can’t be ignored.
 2009 Brabus Smart Fortwo cabriolet. Click image to enlarge |
In light of the Smart Fortwo’s need for Premium fuel and its less than jaw-dropping economy, the smartest Smart you can get is the $14,990 Pure Coupe. But even that’s a logical leap of faith when you consider a number of cars – Toyota Yaris and Honda Fit, for starters – will likely have lower running costs and be immeasurably more functional and pleasant to drive.
But is anyone who’s seriously considering a Smart really cross-shopping “normal” cars? I believe successful Smart Fortwo ownership requires giving up all preconceptions of what a car should be, because it’s not a real car. You drive a Smart on its own terms. Yes, it’s slow and jerky, it gets blown around on the highway and won’t carry much of anything, but it’s also a clever and intriguing design exercise that flips the bird at automotive convention – a high-style rolling trinket giving grins and grimaces in equal measure.
It’s enough to give Spock a Vulcan meltdown.
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